There's a reason I am such a rabid Huss fan and why I'm completely anti-Askbrook. And the reason's name is Grier middle school. I can't begin to describe how much I hated, how much I absolutely despised, that place. How much I wanted to bomb it or set it on fire or go on a rampage with a .50-caliber rifle. How utterly insane I would be if I had to stay there, or to go where the people who gave me such grief are currently going.
You peeps who know me from Huss: the happy-go-lucky, laid back me you know now is very different from what I was like at Grier.
I hated that place so much. What I felt throughout the time I went there was nothing but deep, smoldering, helpless rage, frustration, and utter hatred. I can't even form words to articulate how much I did NOT like that school. It was all the students, too. It was them who turned me against it. Otherwise, I would've been fine.
Imagine the normal behavior of the average Huss student, and magnify all the stupid, irritating, disrespectful, destructive, and whatever other negative aspects you can think of by tenfold. Those are the sort of people I dealt with at Grier.
Now, once I moved to Huss, I escaped the vast majority of those people, thanks to IB. So in the last two or three years, I've been able to relax and not have to deal with it. But the Chemistry class I'm taking is bringing up all the unpleasant memories, and it's not doing me much good.
This one group of arseholes who sit right in front of me are loud, disrespectful to the point that they openly mock the teacher, disruptive, and everything else I despised about the Grier students. The class is easy enough that I get done early, and am left with absolutely nothing to do but sit there and brood over how much I'd like to murder them all in the most gruesome manner I can imagine. That's what happened at Grier too: I got done and was left with nothing but to sit and brood.
Flashbacks of Grier are not good for my sanity, and for the personal safety of everyone around me.
In Grier, I was in my own little nutshell. I spoke to the others as little as humanly possible, I did my work and stuck my nose in a book. Even that didn't work half the time, since the teachers disliked me getting into my books in an effort to keep my sanity at a borderline normal level. I had to deal with these people every single day, starting the moment I walked into the building and ending when I crossed the street into the parking lot. Every day, the same torture.
And for most of my time at Grier, I had no friends. I knew that not only would none of the people there want to be friends with the little antisocial midget who snaps every time you say something in her general direction, but that I had so little in common with the vast majority of Grier students that I might as well have been another species. I hated every single one of them about as fiercely as you can hate any living thing, and I even if I was on the other side of the universe I would still be too close to them. So it was mutual hatred that kept me in my little bubble.
If I had stayed like that through the whole three years, I'd be a very different individual. But in the beginning of my eighth grade year, my two friends Kelsey and Tanis took me under their wings. No, they aren't even friends. They're more like my sisters in spirit. Look at me, I'm getting choked up just writing about it.
Really, those two helped keep me sane. If it hadn't been for them, I would've gone through a whole other year of sitting there hunched in my desk plotting homicide and knowing that all I can do is glare at the backs of their heads. Kelsey and Tanis pulled me from my abyss, from the little niche I had carved from the walls of the hellhole for myself, and brought me back from the brink. They were the ones I could talk to once I'd finished my work to ward off the hours of useless brooding, the ones I could confide in when it just got to be too much, the ones who held me back when I almost started a fight in P.E.
Yeah, I did almost start a fight. You peeps who know me from Huss know that usually I'm the last one you'd think of starting a fight, but this one little bitch just rubbed me completely the wrong way and I got sick and tired of putting up with it. Kelsey almost had a conniption fit, and if she hadn't been there, a fight would have happened.
So yeah. There's my rant for the day. Peace.
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the random everyday chaos experienced by a young person in the twenty-first century
2 comments:
Many things you rant on about I can't relate to and I just sort of nod and go along with it. But this I can completely relate with. Once upon a time, I had no friends, nothing to do, and absolutely no patience with those at school.
At H.H. Beam, the students were just as bad, the teachers were horrible, and I had yet to learn that I could take my own lunch to school (it was far worse than Huss's lunch could ever dream to be, in my opinion). I was a lonely shell of what I am today, and went through all 6 years of elementary school like that, and even though it was just elementary school, it leaves its mark.
When junior high came around, I thought it would be just as bad. I also only thought the IB was an afterschool program, but that's another story... Anyway, so I came in and expected it to be horrible. Sure, none of the teachers and only one of the students were there, but it was still school.
I went for a few months like that, and found little to prove me wrong. My art teacher accused me of writing profanity on artwork, all the students were still the jackarses that those at Beam had been, and there was that Gifted and Talented class that I had to take for IB that I hated. But that's what changed it all.
Mr. Tepania, the teacher from New Zealand you've heard me and the others talk about, was very friendly and fun to be around (not to mention he was the first male teacher I had ever seen, so that made him all the more curious). Then we had a project in that class I hated so much that introduced me to my friends, David and Leyla (I think that's how to spell it, but I dunno). Reggie came later, from a group assignment in math class.
After that year, Leyla left due to her being a snobby b***h who wasn't good enough for York Chester. But David and Reggie stayed and we helped each other through the reign of terror that was Yakichuk and Underhill (*shudders at the names*) that would come in the following years.
And after a comment almost as long as the post it is in response to, I leave you with these few words of wisdom. Find a hobby and use it to keep your mind off things that remind you of whatever it is that you don't like. Get a book (I'll go buy you one if you need one), find someone to talk to (break out that phone and text me if you don't have anyone in there. I'm in art, what could I possibly be doing that's more important than talking with you and keeping you sane?), or something. And if that stuff doesn't work, then you're a brilliant girl, you'll figure something out.
And now out of harsh mode: *hugs* I love you and don't want you to go crazy this close to graduating out of high school. Hang in there, it'll get better.
It's a good thing that for the most part Huss isn't like Grier, or I'd have gone skitzo or something by now. But it's better here, so no worries.
Besides, I has you peeps and the band peeps and the other random peeps I'm friends with, and them Tanis and Kelsey and Dante who won't stop calling me (he's been a friend since like sixth grade actually, though we started out as enemies 'cos Dante was a little creep and wouldn't leave me alone, but that's another story.) With so many friends/siblings in spirit I think whether I like it or not I'm gonna stay at my usual level of borderline sanity.
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